The Ultimate Revenge
by Pocketface
Summary: After Kyle starts dating Wendy, Cartman's pissed. He comes up with an ultimate revenge to get both of them back good. But, he makes a fatal mistake... KyleCartman
1. Part 1

Title: The Ultimate Revenge: Part 1

Author: PocketFace

Pairing: Kyle/Cartman

Rating: R - Adult themes, swearing

Summary: After Kyle starts dating Wendy, Cartman's pissed. He comes up with an ultimate revenge to get both of them back good. But, he makes a fatal mistake...

Disclaimer: Kyle, Cartman, Wendy, Butters, Dougie and Stan are (c) Matt und Trey

Author's Note: Wow. What to say about this fic. The plot has been sitting in my brain for a while, and I had to turn it over and think it out a lot of times. I even had to rewrite the plot twice, and I still ended up changing it while writing it. I think it's the best thing I've written so far, and I have positive feedback from my beta-er(petals-on-scarecrows) that says it's pretty good. So I hope everyone else likes it. I will be posting it in four parts, not chapters. To me, it's a one-shot, but it's far too long to read in one sitting. This is all pre-written, so there won't be any prolonged waits between parts. Enjoy!

* * *

"What the fuck?!"

A lovely start to my morning. Of course he felt the need to tell me the awesome news right in the middle of my bagel.

"I-I... I thought you knew..." he looked down sheepishly and wrung his hands. I rolled my eyes.

"Jesus, Butters! Why would I know that? I'm not really friends with Kyle and I haven't talked to Wendy in years!" I took an angry bite of my bagel, and I was momentarily unable to yell at Butters. He took this opportunity to explain himself.

"Well, I-I thought you kinda stalked her on MySpace or whatever so she would've said it there... I'm mighty sorry I just sprung it on you like that, Eric..." he looked up at me with his great blue eyes and I sighed.

"Forget it, Butters. I would've been angry no matter how you said it..." I said sullenly. His face lit up immediately, staring over the table at me with a look of sheer happiness. I rolled my eyes again and smiled bemusedly at him.

"It's a wonder you haven't found a boyfriend yet" I mused, grinning. Butters blushed bright red and glanced around warily. No one dared sit at a table near ours, and it wasn't like anyone would listen to us anyways.

"Chill out, Butters. It's not like everybody doesn't already know that you're gay." I said with a shrug. Butters nearly jumped, his eyes widening. I couldn't hold back my grin.

"Eric! Sh-Shut up!" he glanced around again, "You really think it's thank obvious?" he asked, looking himself over. I laughed and shook my head, changing the subject.

"God, I'm gonna shoot Kyle!" I said, glaring across the lunchroom.

"You know what the principal said. If you suspended again they won't let you pass your junior year." Butters said offhandedly, messing self-consciously with his hair.

I sighed, he was right. I'd already been suspended 3 times this year. I growled, putting my head down.

Kyle. I'd always liked messing with him. I love how angry he got. Damn Jew. But now he'd gone and done something insanely stupid. He'd taken my-

"Y'know, don't hate me 'cause I said this, but why are you so pissed? She's not yours. She can date whoever she wants. And you know as well as I do that she'd never go out with you again. That ship has sailed." Butters stated, pursing his lips at me. I shot him a glare and didn't respond. He was right again. I didn't have a chance with her. I closed my eyes, reliving that day two years ago. I shook the memory from my head. The basic gist of the event was that somehow she liked me, I fell in love with her, and she strung me along for a month or two before dumping me for that asshat Stanley Marsh.

She just couldn't cope with the stares and snide comments. Typical chick. I never did get along with girls very well. And the one girl I could get along with couldn't handle my obscene unpopularity. Hell, the only reason I was friends with Butters was because out unpopularity was about equal. Being unpopular can get really lonely when you don't have anyone to share it with.

The bell rang and I stirred, standing up.

"Why don't you come up with one of your ingenious plans that _doesn't_ involve getting expelled?" Butters rolled his eyes, standing and following me out of the cafeteria.

I smirked. Maybe...

* * *

"Butters! I got it!" 

"Wh-what the f-frick, Eric?!" Butters stammered. I could tell I had scared the shit out of him.

"I got it! My plan."

"Oh..." Butters yawned, "Good _grief_, Eric! It's frickin' 5 AM!"

"So?" I said indifferently and Butters groaned.

"Well, what is it?" he asked with a sigh.

"Okay, get this: I'm gay."

"What?!"

"Hypothetically."

"Oh..."

"Anyways, I tell Kyle I'm head-over-heels for him, obviously he's freaked. At first he's like 'hell no' but I gradually work my way into my thoughts, make sure there's never a moment where I'm not somewhere in his brain. And then: it happens! He falls for me."

"Wait... What makes you so sure that he'll fall for you?" Butters asked, stifling another yawn.

"Look, I know Kyle. I know just what to say to turn him into butter."

"Hm. Is that it?"

"Oh, no. No, no, no. That's just the beginning. So, he falls for me, and I orchestrate a kiss between me and him that will just happen to be seen by Wendy. Therefore, I'll break her heart like she broke mine."

"Wonderful. Revenge is sweet. But how do you get rid of Kyle?"

"Dump him. Wait until he says 'I love you' and break his heart."

"Goll-God, Eric. That's pretty harsh."

"He deserves it."

"Why? I already told you- She's. Not. Yours. And what did Kyle do? I could understand Wendy, but Kyle didn't even know."

"...I... Don't care."

"Of course you don't." Butters sighed, "Well, for a horrible, heartless plan it's an ingenious one."

"Yep." I said, rather proud of myself.

"Ugh. You're as ass. I'm not taking any part of this, but I won't try to stop you because I know it won't do any good." he said with another sigh.

"I don't need your help."

"Then why did you tell me?!"

"'Cause. _I_ thought it was rather awesome."

"It's great." I could almost hear Butters roll his eyes.

"You're an ass."

"I know."

* * *

"Did you tell him yet?" Butters asked me one morning as he arrived at our usual table in the cafeteria.

"Huh?"

"Kyle?" Butters asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Oh, right. No, I can't yet."

Butters sat down and there was stretch of silence. I went back to finishing my math homework.

"Why not?" Butters asked and I looked up, surprised.

"Huh? -Oh. Because they're not in love yet. I have to wait a month or two. A month and thirteen days, to be exact."

"Is that how long Wendy strung you along for?"

"...Yes." I stated bitterly, "I thought you didn't want anything to do with this."

Butters shrugged, "It's actually pretty interesting. Like a sitcom... It needs a side plot, though. Maybe I could be the side plot." Butters giggled. I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah sure. A side plot about how you and Dougie are gonna hook up." I said with a snicker.

"Shut up." Butters said and halfheartedly hit me. I couldn't help but noticed how distracted mentioning Dougie made him.

Butters grew quiet, and I eyed him warily. Dougie, to him, was like Wendy to me. Except without all the hate and the rotten past. ...He just had a huge crush on the boy.

They had been good friends for years, but when Butters' dad moved out(with Butters' new step dad), Dougie's parents stopped letting them be friends and sent their son to a private school.

Not that people ever really were nice to Butters, but after his dad moved out it got a hundred times worse.

Around that time, I became his friend.

"Uh, I've been wondering... I don't think you have Kyle pegged right. I mean, you talk to him about once a year."

"Not true. We've been talking a lot on the internet." I said matter-of-factly, closing my math book. Butters raised his eyebrows at me.

"What? He found me! He got my email through the school. He said... I dunno. He wanted to be friends again." I shrugged, slightly embarrassed.

"Maybe this will work." Butters chuckled.

* * *

One month and thirteen days later

* * *

I sat in the park, waiting. I was almost giddy with excitement, I had to keep wiping the grin off of my face and look sober. I tried to look scared and hopeful, like I was about to admit my undying love to a crush. I held back a giggle.

I was sitting on a bench in the park, awaiting Kyle. Earlier I had left him a message to meet me here.

It was all carefully orchestrated down to the way I tied my shoes. I had the whole conversation mapped out, including the days afterward. I knew just what to say and I'd predicted what he would say.

I looked up, inspecting the park. I saw a flash red hair and my head shot back down. I carefully constructed an expression to make Kyle stop and think. It was desperation, nervousness and hopefulness. With a drop of insomnia for flavor.

"...Eric?" I heard the voice and looked up. Kyle blinked, obviously surprised by my expression.

"Oh, Kyle. I'm glad you came." I said with a weak smile.

"Are you alright?" he asked, sitting down next to me.

"I'm... Living." I said, looking back down, "Kyle, I need to tell you something... I know you're dating Wendy and everything but... I just... I can't keep it in anymore. I'm sorry but... I... I think I'm in love with you..." I propped my elbows on my knees and put my head in my hands.

"Eric..."

"If you never want to talk to me again I'll-I'll understand..." I said, making my voice shiver.

"Eric, I... I don't know what to say... I'm sorry but I-" Kyle paused, and I wished that I could've seen his expression change. Thankfully my hands were covering my face so he couldn't see me mouth his next words.

"Shit, Cartman?! Are you fucking with me?! Jesus, you're an asshole! You're not fucking _gay_! You dated Wendy!" Kyle stood, pointing at me accusingly. I looked up, making tears coming to my eyes. I watched his angry expression falter.

"I may be an asshole, but I wouldn't lie about something like _that_!" I stood, letting a tear fall, "You could've just said no..."

I stormed past, shoving against Kyle's shoulder. I bowed my head and hurried away, hugging myself.

"Eric..." I heard softly, and I broke into a run. Once I was positive that Kyle wasn't following me or within earshot, I stood up straight and thrust my fist into the air with a whoop.

"And... Cut!" I said to myself, pulling out my cell phone. I decided to call Butters on the way home and tell him the good news.

"I deserve an academy award for that." I said as soon as Butters picked up.

"You're an-" there was a pause and a sound like a door shutting, "Asshole."

"I know! I'm so awesome." chuckled. Butters sighed.

"I'm guessing it went well." he said monotonously.

"It went better than I thought! You should've seen his face, Butters. At first he was all angry, and then he looked all shocked when I cried. It was so pre-perfect." I blinked, surprised at myself. Why had I just almost called him pretty? Well, he did have good looks, but then why was I embarrassed? Butters, of course, missed it.

"So. What's next on the agenda?"

"I wait. I know I got under his skin. It's only a matter of time before he apologizes."

"Wait-apologizes? I thought you said that's when it 'happens'?"

"Well, that's the beauty of it. He comes to my house to apologize, but I'm not there. I'm at the park again. And I just happen to know that Wendy walks her dog in that park every day."

"So, she'll see him apologize? Oh, no!" Butters asked sarcastically.

"Just wait. The magic happens when I kiss him."

"You kiss him?"

"I kiss him."

"Okay, so Wendy sees. Who's to say she won't see Kyle punching you in the face?" Butters said with a giggle.

"Oh, she won't. See, Kyle will be thinking about me almost nonstop. And in at least one minute of that time he will wonder what 'we' would be like. And that curiosity will guarantee me at least ten second of kissing back. So, I just need Wendy to see those ten seconds. "

"Genius."

"I know."

"Why don't you just stop it there?"

"Stop what?"

"Your plan. Why not just stop it there? I don't see why you have to make him fall in love with you. I told you before, he didn't do anything." Butters scolded.

"I..." I thought. Why did I include Kyle?

"Because he's an ass." I said, shaking my head.

"Unless you _really_ want him to fall in love with you" Butters cooed.

"Ugh. Shut up Butters.

"Kyle and Eric Sittin' in a tree..."

"Shut the fuck up, Butters." I spat and Butters was silenced immediately, "Shit. Mom's home. Gotta go." I closed my phone and quickly slipped it into my pocket, casually strolling up the walk.

"Eric sweetie! Is that you?" I cringed, putting on my sickening high voice.

"Yes mom. I'll be in my room."

"Eric! Can you go over to a friends' house tonight? Mommy has work to do."

I gave the kitchen door the bird and mouthed a few obscenities before answering.

"Sure, Mom." I called, stomping up the stairs.

Once in my room I dialed Butters again.

"Hey Butters. Mom doesn't want me home tonight. Can I come over?"

"Uh, I dunno. Lemme ask Mom." There was a clunk and the line went silent. I heard vague voices in the background and several second later Butters came back on.

"She says sure. Usual rules." Butters' voice was laced with hostility. I swear, the only person he's ever been pissed with is his mom. Maybe his dad. And I don't blame him; his parents are horrible.

"Cool. Thanks. I'll be over in an hour or two. I have some things to do."

I turned on my computer, grinning. Kyle was sure to be online now. All I had to do was sign on and then sign off.

Sure enough, I signed in and he was on. But just then I faltered, long enough for him to talk to me.

"**Kyle says**:

Eric, I'm sorry."

I hesitated, my fingers hovering over the keys. I decided against talking to him, swiftly clicking sign out.

I sighed, smacking my forehead. That might've given him the slightest inkling that I wanted to talk to him.

I shook my head, opening another window and going about my business.

* * *

"Hey Butters." I said monotonously when the blonde answered the door.

"Hey, Eric. Mom's drinking again so we pretty much have to stay in my room."

I shrugged, following him up the stairs. Once we were in his room the cloud of anger and depression lifted and Butters burst into a grin. I raised my eyebrows.

"Did you get laid or something?" I said with a bemused smile. Butters blushed and furrowed his eyebrows at me.

"No. Dougie emailed me!"

"Oh, really?" I said, trying not to sound too surprised, "How? I thought his parents looked at his computer?"

"Oh, well he usually uses one of those secrecy sites anyways, and he made a new email. It was soo sweet. He was like 'I missed you a lot'! Ahh! He's so amazing" he clapped his hands and suck down on the bed. I rolled my eyes.

"You're such a pussy, Butters. Just tell him that he turns your crank." I laughed, plopping down into his computer chair. Butters blushed lightly and stuck his tongue out at me.

"Shut up Eric. Oh my god, guess what his screen name was!" Butters said, leaning forward.

"What?!" I said, exaggerating my excitement. Butters frowned at me but continued.

"It was General Disarray!" he stated that like it meant something. I blinked and raised an eyebrow.

"Remember, when we were kids? I was Professor Chaos and he was General Disarray. We spread havoc all over town!" Butters said excitedly, and I raised an eyebrow at him.

"...Oh yeah! I remember! You had that retarded costume and you used to pretend that nobody knew who you were. And you did stupid stunts like stealing the eraser." I laughed, doubling over. When I sat back up and wiped my eyes Butters was glaring at me.

"Well, anyways." he made a point of crossing his arms, "He was my sidekick, and then we pretty much stayed friends after that."

"Isn't he like three years younger than you?" I asked, picking up some stupid girl magazine. I didn't even wonder why Butters had it.

"Two years and six months." he said with a pout.

"And you're turning eighteen next year?"

"Yeah."

"And he's turning... 15?"

"...Yeah."

"Anything _wrong_ with that to you?"

"Shut up, Eric."

"Well, good luck with that, Mr. Pedophile." I laughed, tossing the magazine away.

We heard a distant door slamming, another softer door slamming, and a car starting and driving away. I was quiet, eyeing Butters. I knew how much his mother's indifference hurt him, and just the slightest things, like her leaving without a word, could drive him to tears.

He sniffed and wiped his eyes, turning away from me.

"Come on, let's go watch TV." I said softly, standing up, "We can watch Queer Eye or whatever gay shit you like." I added, smirking. Butters stood, stalking past me with a hint of a smile.

* * *

Woo! There's the end of Part 1. Part 2 will air next Wednesday. See you then!

P.S. I may update earlier if I feel like it. And I get enough whiney reviews.


	2. Part 2

**Author's Note:** Ahh, now the fun starts. x3 This part is full of fuzzy wuzzies. And I think it's my favorite part of the story. Ahhhh I just love writing Cartman and Butters. 8D They're so much fun! So, um... Yeah. I'm sososo sorry this is late, but... I totally forgot about it. 8D; But now you get the next part in like... Five days instead of seven!! Hooray!

And, prettyprettypretty please review this. If I get a lot of reviews, I'll post the next part faster. 8DD Hahaha yes this is bribery BUT I DON'T CARE.

* * *

The next morning Butters shook me awake, saying something about school. I groaned and tried to shake him away but he was relentless. 

"Gah, fuck you Butters." I groaned and sat up. He smiled triumphantly at me and I resisted the urge to punch him in the face.

The rest of the day went off without a hitch. A few times I locked eyes with Kyle, and in the lunchroom I even went as far as to blush and glare with a touch of hurt in my eyes.

After school I didn't go home, I just went straight for the park. I figured I had a good half hour before I could expect Kyle or Wendy. So I sat myself on a bench, practicing my big scene. I kept an eye out very sneakily. I had to look for them without actually looking for them. Once I saw Kyle coming out of the corner of my eyes, I resisted a smile. I put my head in my hands, waiting a minute or two before looking up, blushing, glaring, wiping my eyes, and putting my head back in my hands.

It wasn't long before I heard Kyle's voice, soft and sad.

"Eric... I'm so sorry..." he said, and I snapped my head up, glaring.

"What do _you_ want?" I spat angrily.

"I just... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have assumed that you were lying like that. I... I was an ass. And... I-I don't like you like that but... I hope we can stay friends." he gave a small smile, and I ignored it.

"I can't do that." I glanced away, and then back at Kyle, "I just... Kyle..." I stood up, standing a good three inches taller than him.

"Eric..." Kyle said softly, looking up at me with wide eyes. I saw a glint of purple out of the corner of my eyes and I leaned in.

"I just need..." I whispered, closing the gap. And, just as I'd predicted, Kyle kissed back. But it wasn't for 10 seconds. I kind of lost myself for a while and the next thing I knew Wendy was wrenching me away from Kyle and yelling.

"What the fuck, Kyle?!" she was yelling, and it took me a few seconds to remember what was going on. Kyle wasn't so quick.

"...Huh?" he blinked at Wendy for a second or two before going pale.

"Wendy, I... He kissed me!" Kyle insisted, turning red.

"I wouldn't give a fuck if he just kissed you! But you... You fuckin' kissed him back, you asshole!" she turned away, shaking her head. I felt a pang of guilt, biting my lip and trying to remember what I was supposed to say.

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-" I glanced from Wendy to Kyle, my thoughts getting caught on his expression. He looked scared, and still a bit dizzy.

"Shut up, Cartman. This is all you fault anyways." she brushed me off, shooting me a glare. I frowned.

"So? What do you have to say for yourself?"

"I... Wendy, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, it just sorta... Happened..." Kyle glanced over at me and there was something unusual in his eyes. Wendy looked from me to Kyle slowly, conviction in her gaze. She shook her head again.

"This is b-bullshit..." tears started to come to her eyes, "Kyle, how could you? You-You're an asshole!"

"Wendy..." Kyle reached out, and Wendy slapped his hand away.

"Don't touch me! You're a stupid, cheating ASSHOLE, Kyle!" tears were running down her cheeks as she screeched.

"_Fuck you_." she added before running away, her dog trailing after her happily.

I stared after her, my face was shocked but inside I was jumping for joy. I looked over at Kyle after a moment, and he was in total shock. His mouth was even open slightly.

"Shit..." he muttered, hanging his head. Slowly he looked up at me, his face serious.

"I... I'm sorry, Kyle. I didn't mean to..." I blushed and rubbed my neck. When I looked up he was still staring at me.

"Cartman-Eric. I... I never thought that you could..." he looked away and shook his head.

"Kyle..." I stepped forward, putting my hand on his arm. He looked up at me, eyes sparkling with emotion.

"Eric... Can you kiss me again?" he asked softly. That I wasn't expecting. I gaped at him for a couple seconds.

"You... What!?" I asked, stupefied.

"I just... I need to make sure..."

"Of what?!" I spoke before remembering what I was supposed to be doing. Kyle furrowed his eyebrows at me and I sighed, looking away.

"It's just... I don't know if I can handle that. I just want to go home and get over you." I looked up at the sky and then over at Kyle. He walked towards me, and didn't stop until he was a bit too close for comfort.

"Please..." he whispered, I could feel his warm breath on my lips and I couldn't resist. I put my hand on his neck and kissed him. Softly, lightly. But then something strange happened. Kyle's hand began to wrap around my waist and I felt an odd tightness in my chest.

I jerked away, pushing Kyle's arms off of me. I just stood there for a few seconds, catching my breath and trying to find an excuse.

"...What's wrong?" Kyle asked. I looked up at him, surprised.

"Kyle, I... I can't do this... You said you didn't like me! Do you?" I asked, flustered. Kyle opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out.

"Kyle... I'm sorry I- I'm sorry Wendy broke up with you, but I won't be your rebound. I... It would hurt too much." I drooped my shoulders and turned to walk away.

"Tell me when you've figured it out." I added softly. I stuffed my hands in my pockets and thumped away, not nearly as happy as I thought I'd be.

* * *

I didn't call Butters until I was about halfway home.

"How'd it go?" he answered, almost excitedly.

"Well, it didn't go exactly as planned, but it worked out."

"That's cool."

"...Yeah."

"You're not as happy as I thought you'd be."

"...I'm just... Tired." I said, illustrating my point with a yawn.

"Oh... So, give me details!" he said and I rolled my eyes.

"Okay, well. The first part went great. I kissed him, and he kissed back. For a good thirty seconds I might add." I lied, it was really more like a minute, and probably would've been a lot longer, "And then Wendy storms over and pulls me away from him. She yells, breaks up with Kyle, and then runs away in tears... It was great. But then I was like... Apologizing and stuff, and he goes 'Can I kiss you again?'!"

"Oof."

"I know! And I said I couldn't because it would hurt too much." I said, putting a sarcastic emphasis on 'hurt'.

"Nice." he laughed.

"Yeah... But then he... He walked up really close to me and... He said please... I just kissed him. But then he wrapped his arms around me and I... I pulled away. It was just... Too much." I sat down on the sidewalk and rubbed my forehead. I wasn't sure why I had just revealed all of this to Butters, but it was true. I also wasn't sure what had happened back there, but it scared the shit out of me.

"...Oh." Butters said quietly. I sighed, standing up.

"Well, at least the Wendy part went right. She was totally heartbroken." I smiled a little. I loved the feeling I got after completing revenge on someone. And this revenge felt particularly good. It was a great plan.

"...Y'know, this is gonna be all over school tomorrow."

I blinked; I hadn't thought of that.

"Shit..."

"Aha. It's karma." he said with a nervous laugh.

"You don't have to hang out with me tomorrow. I know your mom would kill you if you get beat up again."

"No... I can handle it." Butters said quietly, "Hell, nobody would dare jump you after you beat up Craig.

I smiled, remembering the incident.

"Yeah, but I'm gonna get hell. ...Poor Kyle. He's not used to this... I'll have to keep an eye out for him."

"You never know. Wendy might not tell anyone... Well, other than Stan."

"And Stan'll tell everyone." I said bitterly.

"He's not that bad."

"He's an asshole."

"Ha! You should talk!"

"Yeah well... He doesn't have a reason."

"And you do?"

"Shut up, Butters." Butters laughed and then the line went quiet.

"Kay Mom." Butters called, lowering his voice when he talked to me again, "I have to go."

"...Alright. See you tomorrow."

"Bye."

* * *

I stayed away from my computer that night, afraid of what I would say if I talked to him.

I fell asleep in the middle of my Math homework and when I woke up the book crashed to the floor.

I yawned and it wasn't until I put my book back in my backpack that I realized it was the next day.

"...Shit." I whined, covering my face with my hands.

I got ready sluggishly, as if being late would make the day not happen. Ten or so minutes later I slammed my backpack on our usual table, making Butters jump.

"I've had three 'fag's, two 'queer's, and a handful of points already." I said bitterly, "You?"

"Nothing out of the ordinary." he said with a shrug.

"Hey, faggots!" I heard the yell and I bristled. I didn't answer, gripping the table and looking at Butters.

"It'll be okay, Butters." I whispered. The poor boy looked terrified, his eyes were wide and when he picked his hand up off the table I noticed that he was shaking.

He didn't seem to be comforted by my words but he gave me a tiny nod.

"I said, hey faggots!" the jock yelled louder and I looked up, glaring.

"What do you want?" I asked bitterly.

"Why don't you kiss your boooyfriend, queer?" he cackled and his cronies followed suit. I rolled my eyes and stood up suddenly. Butters jumped and I gave him an apologetic glance before staring down the jock. I was an inch or two taller than he was and easily twice as big so it didn't take long to intimidate him.

"Why don't you?" I said, smirking at his nearest crony. The jock glared and me and the crony blushed lightly.

"Come on, let's go. I don't want to catch AIDS."

After they left I sat back down, pissed.

"Sorry Butters." I said quietly, frowning at him.

"It's-It's okay." he said shakily. Just as I put my head down, the bell rang.

"C'mon, let's skip. I don't want to go to class." I said bitterly, gathering my stuff.

"...Alright." Butters said quietly.

* * *

After school I reluctantly signed on, a part of me was dreading talking to him but the other part couldn't wait. Almost as soon as I signed on, he IMed me.

"**Kyle says:**

Did your day go as bad as mine?"

I bit my lip and typed back.

"**Eric, Asshole Extraordinaire says:**

I dunno. I wasn't there for most of the day."

"Your mom let you stay home?"

"No, me and Butters skipped."

"Oh."

"How did your day go?" I was reluctant to ask this because I was guilty. I just couldn't bring myself to look for him.

"Alright, I guess. Stan's pissed at me for upsetting Wendy like that, and it seems like the rest of the school hates me."

"Stan wasn't upset about the whole gay thing?" I asked. I could've sworn he would've been pissed.

"No, I already told him I was bi."

"Oh." I wasn't sure why this had surprised me. Hell, I'd kissed the boy twice. I guess it was just that I'd been telling myself it wasn't real all this time and I'd started to believe that he was lying too.

"Listen, Eric. I thought about what said and... I'm not on the rebound. I didn't even like Wendy that much."

My breath caught in my throat and it took me a couple seconds to think up a response.

"Then... Why were you dating her?"

"I dunno... She had this huge crush on me and I couldn't bear to say no."

"That sounds a little familiar."

"Eric... When you kissed me... I've never felt that exhilarated. It was... Real."

I sat there, my mouth open slightly. The irony of his words stuck me deep. I felt a pang of guilt. If Kyle didn't even want to date Wendy, then what right did I have to punish him for it? Just then Butters signed on and I nearly thanked him out loud.

"**Eric, Asshole Extraordinaire says:**

Butters! Oh my god I'm in deep shit."

"**Butterz With a Z says:**

What? What's wrong?"

"He didn't like Wendy."

"Uh-oh."

"What do I do?"

"I... I can't. I don't want to hurt him. He doesn't deserve it!"

Kyle's window flashed and I reluctantly clicked on it.

"Eric? Are you there?"

I hit my head on the table and made up some excuse about homework.

"You don't want to hurt him?" Butters replied.

"He's innocent. I can't just crush him for no reason."

"Y'know... You did kiss him twice. You can't tell me that maybe you felt something and maybe you liked it."

I sat there; shocked by Butters' assumptions but even more shocked that he was right.

"I can't believe I made such a huge mistake." I typed, rubbing my forehead.

"What do I do?" I added.

"Do you want to be with him?"

"...Yes."

"Then you should tell him."

"But... That would destroy him. I can't do that! I... I would lose him..."

"Well, it's either now or later. And I think you'd have a better chance of winning him back now then later."

"I can't do that to him..." I rubbed my temples and clicked on Kyle's window again.

"All done with my homework." I typed, hesitated before clicking send.

"Awesome." he replied quickly.

"So... You really like me back?" I typed slowly, taking a deep breath and finally clicking send. There was a thirty second pause of agony before he replied.

"Meet me in the park and I'll let you know." he sent and signed out.

I said a quick goodbye to Butters and signed out, almost running out the door.

I arrived at the park several minutes later, looking around wildly for a flash of red hair. My heart sank when he was nowhere to be seen, and I started to wonder if he had a plan of his own.

"Guess who!" Kyle cried, reaching up and covering my eyes from behind. I grinned and turned around in his arms.

"Yes..." he whispered, kissing me.

I wrapped my arms around him and forgot about everything else.

* * *

We spent the rest of the night together. Well, most of it. Not the 'night' night. Kyle's too much of a prude for that. Anyways, he ended up leaving my house at the obscene hour of eleven o'clock. A whole hour after he was expected home.

When I woke the next morning I strained to remember if the night before had been a dream or reality. After seeing the excessive pen marks on my arm I resolved that it had, indeed, happened.

I examined my arm bemusedly; it was decorated with phrases like 'Redheads do it best'; 'Kyle is sexy' and 'Eric Cartman is dating a Jew.' There was also an assortment of heart, smiley face, and other gay-looking symbols.

After some deliberation I decided to wash off all of it except 'Kyle is sexy' and a heart or two.

Ten or twenty minutes later I arrived at me and Butters' usual spot to find a surprise waiting for me.

"Eric!" Kyle squealed and jumped, hugging me. When he pulled away I pretended to be disgusted.

"I would prefer it if you tried _not_ to rape me in public." I said sarcastically, sitting down and rolling my eyes at Butters. Kyle stuck his tongue out at me and sat down.

"It's only rape if isn't consensual." Kyle stated matter-of-factly.

I laughed, and Kyle slyly grabbed my hand under the table. I smiled and lifted our hands, placing them on the table. His smiled widened, and he leaned in to kiss me on the cheek. I pulled back, biting my lip.

"Are... Are you sure you can do this?" I asked softly, glancing down at our linked hands. Kyle leaned back dejectedly, knitting his brow at me.

"Do what?" he asked, tilting his head to the side.

"...Deal with this. The stares, the pointing, the names, the threats... The hate..." I looked at Kyle with concern, experiencing an unwanted flashback to Wendy.

"...Of course I can. It might be hard, but I'll have you..." Kyle smiled and hugged my arm. I half-smiled, unconvinced. He noticed this and frowned at me.

"You don't believe me, do you?"

"Well, it's just... It's hard to get used to...You haven't-" my sullen explanation was cut off by a pair of lips. Namely, Kyle's. He had put a hand on my cheek and jerked my head towards him so he could kiss me. He moved so fast that it took me a couple seconds to realize what had happened and kiss back. All too soon he pulled away, grinning.

"I won't get scared away. I promise." he said, and I broke into a grin.

"I won't let anyone hurt you." his grin widened and he latched onto my arm, snuggling up against my shoulder.

"Who's gonna look after me now?" Butters piped up and I blinked at him. I had honestly forgotten that Butters was sitting across the table.

"Why don't you ask Dougie to be your bodyguard _and_ hump-buddy?" I said with a laugh. Butters stuck his tongue out at me.

"Who?" Kyle asked, looking from me to Butters.

"Dougie was my best friend since 3rd grade. Last year his parents made him stop being friends with me and sent him to a private school... And I have a little crush on him..." Butters explained with a blush.

"So, you really are gay?" Kyle asked, and right after the words left his mouth he gasped lightly and covered his mouth.

"I'm sorry-! I didn't-! ...Sorry." Kyle blushed and bit his lip.

"...Yeah." Butters muttered, glaring down at the table

Kyle looked over at me, giving me a look that said 'Agh! Fix it!'

"He didn't mean it, Butters." I said softly, reaching across the table to pat his shoulder. Butters looked up at me, and then at Kyle.

"It's okay." Butters mumbled, blushing.

There was an uncomfortable silence, interrupted by the bell. Butters stood and rushed away.

"Ugh, I am such an idiot." Kyle said, slapping his forehead.

"No, you're not. He's just really sensitive about his dad and stuff. He'll be fine by the end of the day." I said, standing up.

"Yeah, but... He's your best friend, right? There's no way I passed the 'best friend test'." he said, standing up and smirking at me. I scoffed.

"Puh-lease. I don't need his approval to date you." I said incredulously, and Kyle latched onto my arm.

"Suure." he cooed.

* * *

So there it is! Review pretty please. 33333! 


	3. Part 3

**Author's Note: **Haha, um. Yeah this is late again. I'm a failure. Sorry. 8)

And, just a note. Pretty much everybody gets steadily more and more out of character in this story. (Especially Butters) XD; I don't know how, it just happened. I seriously need to work on the way I write Kyle. B I always write him far too gay and girly. I'm really trying to work on this. But oh well. I guess you'll just have to deal with faggy Kyle, and faggy Cartman, and faggy Butters. XD; Ah well. This part is exciting. Enjoy!

* * *

"I don't like it." Butters said to me a few hours later. 

"Like what?" I said distractedly, working on the class work for once.

"You and Kyle." I looked up, eyebrows raised threateningly.

"No, I mean- I don't like the basis. The way you lied to him."

"Oh... Well, it wasn't a total lie. I had a tiniest bit of a crush on him. I just... Exaggerated it a little bit.

"It's still lying."

I sighed almost angrily, but I knew he was right.

"...I'll tell him eventually..." I conceited quietly. I didn't how I could complete such a task, but I couldn't keep lying.

* * *

"Hey, queers! Why don't you get a room!" someone yelled and I bristled. Me and Kyle had just been walking out of school. He was latched onto my arm and apparently that was offensive. 

One of the stupid jocks made a retching sound and the rest guffawed. It was the same jock from yesterday but now he had a slut hanging off of him.

Kyle's hand slipped into mine, squeezing it like he was scared. I looked over at him, but he was staring at the group of jocks intently with hurt in his eyes. I followed his gaze, and sure enough, there, near the back, was Stan. I felt a surge of anger and squeezed Kyle's hand back. I felt a little bit of empathy for Kyle. Even though Stan was a total asshole, he was still Kyle's best friend. It can't feel good to get heckled by your best friend. While I had been inspecting Stan, the jock had approached Kyle haughtily.

"Hey, why are you fucking this fatty?" he teased, jerking a thumb at me, "You could do _so_ much better. Like... Stan, he's your friend, right?" The jock turned and the jocks parted a little, putting Stan on the spot. But he was ready for this. He gave Kyle a tiny, wary glance like that could make up for what he was about to say.

"Pff, no. I ain't friends with fags." Stan said without missing a beat, keeping his eyes off Kyle.

"Aw, but you two would make such a cute couple!"

"Shut the fuck up!"

"Shut the fuck up, asshole!" We said in almost-unison, Kyle adding the 'asshole' part. I glanced at him, then back at the jock, who had turned his sights back on me and Kyle. He advanced on me, trying to look menacing. I kept my face deadpan.

"Get the fuck away from me." I said quietly.

"No." he took another step towards me, "Why don't you make me?"

"Give me a reason." I said coolly.

"D'you think yer better'n me?" he spat. I looked him up and down carefully.

"Yep." I said with a winning smile. The jock raised his fist and before I could react he punched me. I stumbled back, almost losing my balance. I cupped my nose gingerly, and by the time I regained my composure and looked up, the jock was on the ground. He was groaning and his hands were between his legs, and Kyle was standing over him, looking pissed.

I felt something drip through my finger and looked at my hands, seeing blood.

"Fuck..." I mumbled, and Kyle turned to me, his expression turning from anger to concern.

"Are you okay?" he asked, trotting over.

"No." I said, glancing over at him, "My nose hurts."

"Here, use this." he handed me a tissue from his pocket, "Let's go." We gave the jock(and Stan) a last glare before Kyle put his arm around me and we walked away.

After about a minute Kyle stopped and looked back, I followed his gaze, seeing a sad sight. Most of the crowd had left, or was huddled around the jock. Except for one dark-haired boy. I looked over at Kyle, and saw tears in his eyes.

"Kyle..." I whispered, and he looked over at me with pain in his eyes. In that moment I knew Stanandkyle were no more.

"Come on, let's go." he chocked out, and I put my arm around him.

* * *

"Here, Eric." Kyle said a half hour later, handing me a bag of frozen peas. 

"Thanks." I mumbled, placing the peas gingerly on a quickly-forming black eye. I peered across the table at Kyle with my good eye. He was looking at me, but not actually looking at me. I knew he was thinking about Stan, so I tried to change the subject.

"That was awesome back there." I said, and he blinked at me.

"Huh?"

"When you kicked that guy in the nuts. That was sweet." I said with a chuckle and a smile. Kyle smiled back.

"Aha, yeah. But you were way better. You talked to that asshole like you were best buds!" he gushed, looking up at the ceiling.

"You just get used to it..." I said with a proud smile and a shrug. Kyle was silent for a moment and I closed my good eye. I heard soft footsteps and then Kyle wrapped his arms around me. I looked over at him and he put his chin on my shoulder, closing his eyes.

"Thanks." he whispered, kissing my cheek. I blushed, trying to cover it up before Kyle noticed. I bit my lip and we didn't speak for a while.

All the while I couldn't shake this guilty feeling. I was trying to enjoy his arms around me, his gentle breathing in my ear, but a loud, obnoxious voice in my head kept pointing out that I was a dirty liar. I was a dirty, rotten liar and I didn't deserve him.

"Kyle..." I hadn't meant to say it but it came out sounding very desperate and uncomfortable. Kyle shifted on my shoulders.

"Huh? Is something wrong?"

"No, it's just..." I fumbled for an excuse, "These peas... They're dripping all over." Sure enough, there was a large wet patch on the table Kyle slowly unwrapped his arms and stood. I gingerly removed the peas, blinking up at Kyle.

"Oh, it doesn't look so bad. Can you see?" he asked, taking the peas and placing them on the counter.

"...Yeah." I said quietly, gently lifting a hand to my eye. I could tell it was swollen, but Kyle was right. It wasn't that bad.

"Does it hurt?" he asked offhandedly, turning to grab a towel.

"Not really..." I said, and I couldn't help but smile as Kyle busily wiped up the water. He felt me staring and looked up.

"...What?"

"You're so cute! Like my little maid" I smirked an devilish smirk at him and he blushed. Then I stood, grabbing Kyle around the waist and pulling him into me. He gave a surprised squeak, dropping the towel.

"Eriiic..." he whined softly as I leaned in. I ignored his whining, smirking and kissing him. His soft lips and softer touch sent me into a dreamlike state, where nothing existed except me and Kyle. But then he pulled away and my world of guilt and pain came crashing back down.

I was stunned for a second or two, and I almost missed Kyle's words.

"Ma could be home any minute..." he said, removing my hands and glancing warily at the kitchen door.

"Should I go?" I asked, rubbing my temples and sitting down. I guess I said it a little meaner than I meant to because Kyle looked over at me like I'd suggested a break.

"No... I mean, unless you want to..." Kyle said softly, his voice brimmed with hurt.

"No, no. I didn't mean it like that. I just meant..." I trailed off, whining and standing up. I walked up to Kyle, wrapping my arms around him.

"Don't make that face at me... I don't want to go..."

"You don't?" Kyle's eyes sparkled up at me and I couldn't help but grin.

"No, I want to stay here with you..." I smiled, pressing our foreheads together. Kyle grinned, but he still looked wary. I pulled away, slipping my hand into his.

"I don't like your mom anyways." I said with a snort, "And she doesn't like me. So I should leave soon."

"Yeah... But I don't want you to go..." Kyle said with a pout.

"Aw, I know. But I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah..."

"And we can talk online."

"Yeah..."

"Oh, come on! Don't make that face..." I found myself wrapping my arms around him again, and this time Kyle held on.

I was about to press our lips together when Kyle pulled away. I raised my eyebrows at him and he gave me a small smile.

"Eric... I love you..."

I blinked at him, unsure how to respond. That obnoxious part of my brain reminded me that this was when I was supposed to break his heart.

"I love you too..." I said, and he broke into a relieved grin.

Then I pressed my lips to his and we kissed for a while. That is, until I heard a soft voice I hadn't heard in years.

"...Kyle?!"

Kyle jerked away from me, turning to the voice and blushing bright red.

"Ike?! What are you doing here?!" Kyle asked, his voice shaking.

"...Lacrosse let out early- what the hell, Cartman?!" the young boy asked, totally bewildered as to why his older brother was kissing the likes of me. I pursed my lips at him.

"Aha... Hey Ike." I said, my frown turning into a smirk.

"Kyle? You weren't kissing _him_, were you?! _Eric Cartman_?!"

"I... Uh..." Kyle glanced at me but my eyes were glaring at Ike.

"Why him?!" He was just a little too stunned for my liking.

"What are you saying, kid?" I asked, taking a threatening step towards him. He recoiled, looking up at me with wide eyes.

"Eric, Eric. He didn't mean it." Kyle said, coming up behind me and grabbing my arm.

"Like hell he didn't." I muttered under my breath, stepping back. There was a stretch of uncomfortable silence where Ike kept his eyes on me and Kyle gripped my arm.

"You won't tell Ma, right?" I looked over at Kyle, his voice was so small and scared that I half-expected to see tears in his eyes.

"...No." Ike said, shaking his head. There was another stretch of uncomfortable silence.

"I... I should go." I said suddenly, turning to pick up my backpack.

"Eric..." Kyle said, reaching up to hug me.

"I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" I said, wrapping an arm around his waist. I was going to give him a quick peck on the cheek but I heard Ike cough and I felt the sudden urge to kiss him full-on, with tongue. After our prolonged goodbye, I grinned at Ike and waved goodbye, leaving in rather high spirits.

* * *

"Oh, sweetie! Are you alright?!" my mom asked when I walked in the door. At first I didn't know what she was talking about and looked down at myself. 

"Huh?"

"Your face! What happened?" she hurried over to me.

"Oh, nothing... Just... We were wrestling in gym and the kid accidentally elbowed me in the face" I lied, wondering was she cared so much _this_ time. And then I smelled the booze on her breath.

"Oh no!" she sounded so fake, "Do you need something?"

"No, I'm fine." I mumbled.

By the time I got to the top of the stairs she had already forgotten about me.

* * *

A few weeks later, Butters made me come over to his house. He seemed horribly excited about something and I had an inkling it had something to do with Dougie. 

Once we were safely in his room he sat me in his computer chair and sat himself on his bed.

"...So?" I asked after a stretch of silence.

"I... Kissed him."

"What?" I wasn't sure why I was so surprised, but Butters wasn't the kind to kiss. He was the kind to be kissed.

"I know! He was just sort of staring at me and... I just couldn't resist. It was so amazing..." he trailed off with this goofy smile on his face.

I smiled knowingly, raising my eyebrows. Butters seemed to be lost in some fantasy and I wasn't about to stir him.

"That was your first, wasn't it?" Okay, maybe I was about to stir him.

"...First what?" Butters said, blushing.

"Kiss."

"NO!" Butters said a little too loudly, "...I mean, no." I smirked at him, and he turned dark crimson.

"Well, then... Wasn't your first Kyle?" Butters retorted lamely.

"No." I scoffed, "Wendy, third grade." He shut up after that, frowning at me.

"So are you guys dating?" I asked after a moment.

"I... I dunno. We kissed for a while and then I got tongue-tied and left."

I looked bemusedly at Butters, who had taken a sudden interest in a hole in his jeans.

Just then Butters' phone rang obnoxiously and he jumped for it, answering quickly.

"...Hi." he said, a light blush on his cheeks and a small smile on his lips.

"Y-Yeah... U-um, I dunno... Probably nothing." by no Butters was grinning and blushing crimson, "S-sure, yeah I-I can borrow my mom's car. ...See you then! ...Bye." When he hung up he closed his eyes and pressed the phone to his lips. He'd obviously forgotten that I was here.

"Got a hot date?" I said suddenly, making Butters jump. He grinned at me.

"Yeah. We're gonna go to the movies."

"What's he telling his parents?"

"Just that he's going with a friend."

"And what are you telling _your_ mom?"

"..." he smiled sweetly at me.

"Butters!" It wasn't that I had a problem with lying for Butters, I just liked to see him squirm.

"Please Eric! I just need you to cover for me! Just one night! You don't know how much this means to me!" he begged, he seemed very close to getting on his knees.

"Alright." I said with a hearty sigh, "I guess I'll have to cancel sewing club that night."

"No you don't, you just have to shut your phone off while we're in the theater!"

"Butters!" I laughed and slapped my forehead. We laughed for a while and then settled into a comfortable silence.

"It can't get any better than this." Butters said, and I agreed wholeheartedly.

* * *

But little did I know that it was all over a few months later. School had just ended and the weather was finally nice, so me and Kyle(and sometimes Butters and Dougie) found ourselves spending lengthy days in the park or in whoever's backyard had no parents. 

One rather beautiful morning I came upon Kyle still asleep. It was a rare occurrence for me to come to Kyle's house, because of his mother's hatred for me. But earlier on this particular morning, Kyle's parents had left their sons for a whole week to go to some lawyer convention in New Mexico.

Well anyways, when I walked into his room he was asleep with his back towards me.

"Kyle..." I said softly, putting a hand on his shoulder. But I quickly removed it, deciding against waking him. He just looked so pretty when he slept. So I sat on the floor, resting my forehead on his bed. And it all just started to spill out.

"Oh god Kyle... I'm so sorry. This was a stupid plan. I was still hurting from Wendy so I tried to tear you two apart. I just... I loved Wendy so I wanted to break her heart like she broke mine. And you were the key... I don't know why I had to include you in my plan... I don't know why I had to make you fall in love with me... But I did, and that was stupid." I chuckled, "Some evil mastermind I am. I let myself fall in love right back. And I really do lo..."

Fear struck deep into my heart as Kyle's bed creaked loudly. I suddenly felt sick, lifting my head cautiously to stare into a pair of blazing green eyes.

The looked in his eyes scared the shit out of me, so much so that I fell back on my hands.

"K-Kyle...!"

"Eric! What the _fuck_?!" Kyle was sitting on his bed, gripping the sheets. I'd never seen him look so angry. I stood, taking a couple shaky steps backward. In a flash Kyle was up and lunging towards me.

The next thing I knew I was on the floor and my cheek hurt like a motherfucker.

"How... How could you?!" he was screaming, his hand still balled up in a furious fist. I couldn't bring myself to look at him, much less answer him.

"Eric... No... You-you can't..." Kyle's voice was so shaky that I looked up, and his image broke my heart. The anger had given way to hurt, and his eyes were brimming with tears.

"You... You said you loved me..." he staggered back, and I wanted so badly to get up and hug him.

"I do! I... I'm so sorry, Kyle..." I said dejectedly, tears coming to my eyes as they trailed down Kyle's cheeks.

"Eric... You... You're a liar!" Kyle yelled, taking a step towards me, "Get out!"

"Kyle..."

"GET THE FUCK OUT!"

I scrambled up, running from the room. As I was hurrying down the stairs I looked back, seeing Ike outside Kyle's room, looking at me in confusion. I looked at him for a moment, before choking out a sob and running out the door.

I wasn't sure where I was running, but I was running. After a minute or so I slowed down, gasping for breath.

"Shit... Fucking... Fatty..." I mumbled in between breaths. When I looked around to see where I was I noticed Butters' house only a small way's away.

A few minutes later I was about to ring Butters' doorbell when I heard a giggle from the backyard. I walked around, seeing Butters leaning against a tree with Dougie in his lap. I was momentarily stunned, and a few more tears spilled out of my eyes.

Just then Butters happened to glance my way.

"Eric? Are you okay?" he asked. Dougie looked around at me, scooting off of Butters and standing. Butters stood too, jogging over to me.

"Eric! What happened? You look like shit! Are you okay?" I didn't answer for a second, watching Dougie make his way over. He didn't know about my so-called ultimate revenge, but I didn't care.

"I fucked it up, Butters. I... I made him cry." I looked back at Butters, tears in my eyes yet again.

"What?! He found out?! How?!"

I... I thought he was asleep... I told him everything..." I buried my face in my hands and another sob shook my body.

"It's ... It's okay, Eric. Let's go inside." Butters said softly, putting an arm around me. I let him guide me through the backyard and up the back steps, into the kitchen. I collapsed into a nearby chair and put my head down on the table.

The door closed with a light snap and the room was silent.

"Eric... Tell me what happened."

So, I took a deep breath and divulged him. Dougie sat by Butters' side the the whole time, and I guessed that they were holding hands under table.

After I finished my story I put my head back down.

"God, I'm such an idiot. I should've told him in the beginning, like you said."

"...I don't know what yo tell you. It sounds like you hurt him pretty bad."

"I know... It's just... For once, I really love someone. And... The one thing I'm really good at is the one thing I never wanted to do to him. I hurt him. I have to get him back." I said, looking back up at Butters. He looked concerned.

"I don't know, Eric. If you have to talk to talk to him... Just give him a week or two to cool off."

I groaned and put my head back down.


	4. Part 4

**Author's Note: **Hey! I'm actually not late this time! XD Well, a little. Two and a half hours late. Haha whoops.

Well! Here we are. 8) The last part. Thank you everyone for reading and reviewing and supporting and giving me ego boosts. XD This was a ton of fun to write, and I hope that it's fun to read! x3 I love you all! And keep an eye out, I'm planning on starting a Butters/Dougie chaptered fic soon. 8) I still have a lot of planning to do, but as of now it's going to happen. It's also got a side of Butters/Kenny. And a dash of Stan/Kyle. XD; I just can't write people straight, can I? Haha anyways, I'm rambling!

I LOVE YOU ALL! ♥♥♥♥ And a very special shoutout going to petals-on-scarecrows for the humongous amount of support while I was writing this and she also beta'd this whole fic for me. x33333 ♥!

SO ENOUGH CHITCHAT! ENJOY

* * *

A week or two later I was watching a movie with Butters and Dougie. 

Well, I was trying to watch the movie but the two lovebirds were rather distracting. When the movie had started they were laying on the couch together, Dougie between Butters' legs. But within the first ten minutes Dougie flipped over and they started to giggle. At first Butters had the courtesy to give me a few wary glances, but soon I was totally forgotten.

I heard another giggle and I glanced over, eyebrows skyrocketing.

While I had been trying not to look, Butters' shirt had been lifted and Dougie was hovering over his chest.

I'm not sure why but I was reminded of Kyle, and I felt a twinge of pain in my heart. He hadn't been off my mind for more than and hour or two in two weeks.

Watching Butters and Dougie there just reminded me of the many movies we'd watched- or at least tried to watch.

I looked away, a painful lump rising up in my throat. I couldn't live like this anymore. Every day it seemed like the guilt and pain got worse. I couldn't keep crying every time something even remotely reminded me of him. Yesterday I'd seen a doll with red hair and I'd almost broken down right there.

"Um, Butters...?" I stood up, but Butters seemed pretty distracted by Dougie's hand.

"Butters! Hello!" I called, and Butters jumped. Both of them looked up at me, blushing.

"I'm gonna go home." I said, smirking at the boys on the couch.

"Oh? Are you okay?" Butters said shakily, sitting up a little.

"Yeah... I'm fine." I gave then a small smile and a wave, "Goodnight. Have _fun_." I laughed and left, hearing giggled from the living room.

As I walked home I thought. I hadn't seen Kyle since he kicked me out of his house, and I found myself going out of my way to walk down his street.

I stared up at his house, knowing which window was his. Like magic his light switched on and I saw his silhouette against the curtains. He was either facing the window or his back was, I couldn't quite tell. It looked like his head was bowed and he was hugging himself. I couldn't help but wonder if he was thinking about me.

Standing there in the darkness, looking up at the only source of light, I found myself not wanting to do this anymore, I needed him back an I wasn't going to wait any longer. I'd never felt this way before and I wasn't about to lose it.

I turned away, putting my hands in my pockets and continuing down the street. _His_ street.

* * *

Later that night I sat at my desk, desperately scrawling my thoughts onto a piece of paper. 

Kyle-

_First of all, I want you to know how sorry I am. I did something stupid to get back at Wendy but it backfired. If I could take it all back, I definitely would. Even if it meant losing you. I just want you to be happy._

_Please meet me at the elementary school playground and 11:00 tonight. I won't be surprised if you don't come._

_-Eric_

As I finished I read it over quickly. I sighed, it wasn't quite right but this was my fifth try and I was pretty tired. I would put it in his mailbox tomorrow. I left the letter on my desk and stood.

God, I hoped this would work. He'd probably never trust me again, but I had to try. I _had_ to try.

* * *

I arrived at the playground a little earlier that I'd told him. It would give me enough time to think of what to say. The problem was, I couldn't think of anything. The only thing that came to mind was how sorry I was. And that wouldn't get me very far. 

I looked at me watch for the billionth time. It was almost 11:30 and the red-haired boy was nowhere to be seen.

I scanned my surroundings again, and this time something shocked the hell out of me. It was the same old shock of hair. the same old worn orange jacket, and I was sure his eyes were still startlingly green. But in that instant I realized just how much I missed that image. I even found myself choking up. I couldn't tear my eyes away, even after he looked up and met my gaze. He slowed and stopped, and we stayed there for a moment. Our eyes were locked, and I could tell even from ten feet away that he was scared.

"K-Kyle..." I said quietly, and he looked back down at the ground. We were silent again, and Kyle shuffled the rest of the distance avoiding my gaze. He sat in the swing next to me, but now I couldn't manage to look at him.

"Kyle, I-"

"Wait." he cut me off, "Before you start, I want you to understand how much you hurt me. I haven't stopped crying for two weeks. At first I was this close to telling Ma the truth, but Ike talked me out of it. Eric... I am in no place to trust you right now. I just... I don't know if I can trust anything you say... But... I really want to." he looked up at me, and I could clearly see the hurt in his eyes. I was sure he could see the guilt in mine, too.

"Kyle... I don't want you to trust me. Well, I do. But I understand that you don't. I just need you to hear me out. Okay?" I gave him a hopeful look and he gave a curt nod.

"Okay... I am so sorry, Kyle. I... I didn't want you to find out that way... Hell, I didn't want you to find out at all." I shook my head and Kyle shot me a look.

"You must be asking yourself 'how do I know this isn't all part of the plan?' And... I can't make you believe that it isn't... But I can ask you to believe it... Because..." I felt myself choking up, "Godammit, I love you, Kyle! I really, really do. You're the only person that I couldn't stand hurting. You're the only one that's managed to crawl inside my heart... And believe me, I know how gay this sounds but I'm gonna say it anyways 'cause it's true... You're the only one for me. I-I fucking love you, Kyle... And I don't want to love anyone else..." It wasn't until I stopped talking that I realized there were tears rolling down my cheeks.

I couldn't read Kyle's eyes, but his eyebrows were drawn together in an emotional sort of way.

"Eric... I... I still love you..." he paused, and I think it was the way I took a surprised breath that caused his next words. His eyebrows furrowed and I got scared.

"Godammit, Cartman!" '_Cartman_' I winced at the name that held no respect or forgiveness, "You know, you really had me going. God, I can't believe I was actually going to forgive you! You're an asshole!" he yelled, standing up and starting to walk away.

"Kyle...! Please, I'm not lying. I... God, never mind. You should leave and never come back. Just... Leave me here." I wanted to hug my knees to my chest but I was on a swing, and I was too fat anyways. So I settled on wiping the tears from my eyes.

"Eric... I just... I don't know if I can trust you... I'm sorry..." he kept walked away, and I felt a sudden surge of anger. I stood, clenching my fists.

"Fuck you." I said, quiet but loud enough for him to hear. He paused, looking around at me.

"What?"

"Fuck you, Kyle. You shouldn't have come if you weren't even going to fucking listen to me. You're so self-centered! You think I'll just wait around for you to fucking make your mind?! Well, fuck you, Kyle! You blew your _fucking_ chance!" I screamed, storming past him. I couldn't help but notice the tears on his cheeks as I walked by. I ignored the stab of guilt I felt.

* * *

"He's just a stupid Jew..." I mumbled, and Butters growled at me. 

"God, I've heard enough about how stupid and Jewish he is! Why don't you tell _him_ instead of whining to me about it?" I shot Butters a glare and he rolled his eyes.

But I had to admit, he was right. Now I was thinking about Kyle even more than I had before we'd fought. Most of it was more negative though. For the past week I had been ranting to Butters about how stupid and wrong he was. I had even gone as far as interrupting him and Dougie one afternoon. Even though almost every night I forgave him into my pillow, I was too damn stubborn to actually say anything. His words had stung me deep that night, and I had acted irrationally.

"Go home, Eric."

"What Why?"

"_Because."_ he said, his jaw clenched. I rolled my eyes, scoffing.

"I swear, if you guys keep at it like that, one of you is going to end up pregnant." Butters flushed bright red and he stumbled for a comeback.

"Shut up, Eric." he said finally with a defeated sigh, "You'll be at the park at three, right?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'll be there."

"At the tree?"

"At the tree."

"Okay, goodbye!"

I should've been suspicious of his overly-excited attitude but I was too busy being mad at Kyle.

* * *

I was at the tree at three. Just like Butters said. What I hadn't count on was a particular flash of red hair that I had been avoiding like the plague. He had arrived shortly after I did, and he pretended not to see me. Which was just as well because I pretended not to see him. He leaned against a tree not far from mine, and I couldn't help but wonder why. And maybe steal a glance or two. When I spotted the blonde boy I sat up and smiled. Saved! 

"Butters!" me and Kyle said in unison. We looked over at each other, then back at Butters. The damn blonde was grinning and had his arm around Dougie, who was also grinning.

"Godammit, Butters!"

"Butters! Did you invite _him_?!"

Butters didn't say anything, he just kept grinning.

"Fuck this, I'm leaving." I said and turned away.

"Yeah me too."

"Nobody's going anywhere!" Butters called and we both paused. There was an odd sort of domination in voice that I didn't recognize. I figured it had something to do with Dougie

"Turn around and come here!" he commanded and we grudgingly complied.

"Now, for the past week I've had to put up with both of you whining about how horrible the other one is. And I'm sick of it. You're both acting like eight-year-olds! You're in love with each other. Eric, you told me that you couldn't give him up. That you would do _anything_ to get him back. And Kyle, you told me that you'd tell your mom for him!"

We both looked away, not wanting to confirm or deny Butters' words.

"You both know how silly you're being. You're just looking for things to be mad about! I want you to face each other. Go on!" Butters grabbed my arm and forced me to lock eyes with Kyle, "Now, apologize!"

We were quiet for a moment, just looking into each others' eyes. Suddenly everything else melted away and it was just me and that flash of red hair.

"Kyle... I'm so sorry..." I said quietly and he bit his lip.

"Oh, god, Eric! I'm sorry too!" he cried, running into my arms. I held him close, closing my eyes and resting my nose on his head. WE stayed like that for a while, until Kyle pulled away and connected our lips.

When our lips parted we just looked at each other. I knew everything was forgiven and forgotten.

"...I missed you." he said, and I smiled. He looked unbelievably beautiful in that moment, and I had the urge to pin him down right there and fuck his brains out. So I grabbed him around the waist and pulled him down. We rolled around for a while before I had his arms pinned above his head. I kissed him deeply for a minutee or two before pulling away.

"Kyle?"

"...Yeah?"

"I forgive you."

"...You're an asshole." he giggled, "Now kiss me quick before you do something stupid again."

"Ugh, this relationship is _so_ much work." I said and complied to his demands.

As it turned out my 'ultimate revenge' really was pure genius. Even if it had a hiccup or two. Everything ended up very ultimately.


End file.
